It’s late at night and you’re in bed. The body to your left, pushing gentle zzzzs, radiates a comfortable warmth. The radio to your right plays softly. Your mental meanderings are suddenly jolted into focus by Rod Stewart’s voice. It’s golden oldie time and he’s warbling on about passion. “I need passion. You need passion. We need passion. Can’t live without passion.”
“Who needs passion?” you mutter and kill him with a click of the switch, then curl foetally round your pillow, facing away from the man in your bed. Before you drop off, you recall that once his mere vibrations caused a sexual charge and even his gentle snore turned you on. But that was then and now is now—and quite frankly, these days, the idea of prolonged celibacy has considerable appeal.
Fact: Droves of men and women worldwide are seeking therapeutic help to deal with an increasingly widespread problem of inhibited sexual desire. So rest assured, you are not alone!
Only a blow-up rubber sex doll or a plug-in vibrator is ready for sex 365 days of the year, 24 hours a day. It’s normal for sexual desire to wax and wane along with the demands of everyday life.
Problems arise when resistance to sex builds up and poses a threat do the continuation of a relationship or the peace of mind of one or both parties.
A New York therapist has summarized the situation thus: “Anxiety has caused the cool-off on sex. The tremendous emphasis on performance, on doing it right, made many people nervous. Who would dare admit that they are sexually insecure? After all, you’re supposed to know how to be a terrific lover, you’re supposed to have had multiple orgasms and to know how to give fantastic oral sex. We read about insatiable women with tidalwave orgasms and super-studs with nonstop erections. People think that what’s going on in everyone else’s bedroom is unbelievably exciting, so it’s not surprising that they become anxious about what’s going on behind their own closed door. Fear and anxiety are the biggest sexual turn-offs!”
“The general consensus is that loss of sexual desire typically results from a multiplicity of causes,” says Dr. J, a 37-year-old Durban sex therapist who specializes in group therapy for women with low sexual desire.
Which is not to say men are immune! “I can recall one specific case of a man coming for therapy,” says Dr. J. “His wife, who’d spent years looking after their four children, developed a career when they left home. After a while, she overtook him. He couldn’t accept it. He felt emasculated and lost his sexual drive. He had to learn to come to terms with her success before they could engage in good sex again.”
Your’s in reigniting the fire Sherrie.
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